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(1) Stan Belin (斯坦•贝林) was born in the 1930s to an urban family locked in the grip of the Great Depression. His was a fractured family, one in which his parents fought constantly. I lived with a feeling of impending doom, he says. This fear drove him to be a model child.Stan has a vivid memory of once leaning against a bridge railing as a boy and gazing at a handsome party boat passing below. He could see people on deck enjoying their outing. (2) It was a scene of comfort and luxury he could hardly have imagined. That mental picture influenced the boy’s idea of success. His goals became money, power, and prestige.Stan did well in school. He found his greatest academic success in his science courses. But he lacked the confidence to pursue a medical career and turned to dentistry as a quicker route to his life’s goals.(3) He married a young woman he had known since high school, and for over 20 years Stan and Jane lived a life that many people would envy. His reputation spread, the money started rolling in and he was appointed to a prestigious position by his state government. Two healthy children were born.(4) The family had a magnificent house, expensive automobiles and took exotic vacations.The crowning touch for Stan came when he bought a luxury yacht and sailed to the bridge where, as a child, he had first glimpsed what he hoped would be his future. “I told Jane the story,” he says. (5) “As I spoke, I realized that something was all wrong. I possessed everything I had ever dreamed of, but I felt very sad and hopeless. What was worse, I knew it would never change.”Then in the early 1980s, a doctor friend invited Stan to dinner. The friend said he had been using cocaine as an antidepressant. He described it as a marvelous no addictive drug. Stan decided the drug might be just right for his own depression.

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